


Guy Fieri vs. Star Wars

by StickleUsedSplash



Series: Guy Fieri vs The World [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Hoth, M/M, Outer Space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 14:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14286573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StickleUsedSplash/pseuds/StickleUsedSplash
Summary: Guy Fieri finds himself in the Star Wars Universe now! What could possibly happen? Tune in to find out more!





	Guy Fieri vs. Star Wars

**Author's Note:**

> What do you gals and guys think so far?

 

###  Guy Fieri vs Harry Potter

 

Guy walked into the platform thing after putting three quarters into a turnstyle. He was at Hogwarts. “I have come to liberate the kids of this forsaken, food lame place!” screamed Guy Fieri.

 

The lady that looked like the lady from The Secret Garden snapped her fingers, “Fuckikus Offickus!” 

 

And just like that, Guy was in one of the many Dine-ins Drivers and Dives he had loved so much. “What the fuck!?” screamed Guy as he looked around the place. “How the fuck!?” and more people started to look at him. “I was to liberate the Hogwarts!” Guy took a ilkshake off a guy who said, “Hey” as he drank his milkshake...mmmmmmMMMMMMMMmmmmm BANANA!

 

With another attempt, Guy put on his magic spell blocking cloack and put 3 more quarters into the basmeent turnstyle. He was at Hogwarts again. Hermoine was sleeping.

 

“Mrs. Granger.” Guy whispered to Hermoine.

 

“Mr.s Granger.” he said again though only Hermoine’s nose flipped a bit.

 

“HERMOINE!” Guy said a little too loudly. But not loud enough to wake anyone else, just wake up Hermoine.

 

“What is it, Guy Fieri?” asked Hermoine.

 

“It is time for us to liberate Hogwarts. Are you on my side?”

 

Hermoine said, “No thanks,” inbetween snoring and drooling on her pillow.

 

Perhaps it was the air, or perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be, but Guy wasn’t able to liberate Hogwarts that day. He went home and cried a bit, but remembered the miklshake and smiled a bit. He looked in the mirro and readjusted himself, “I’m Guy Fieri damnit! And I don’t quit!”

 

###  Guy vs Star Wars

 

Guy shot a burger from his cannon at Emporor Palpatine. The emporor got hit in the face then fell off the side of the high up place. “Shit shit shit!” said Guy as he looked around the room. “They’ll know I killed the emporor, but it’s not like when someone kills a gang leader and takes over, it’s more like they’ll be mad at me and try to kill me for killing their leader.” Guy whispered to himself. Guy saw what he was looking for.

 

A big thing that said, “Clones,” and he went to it and opened it. This was what was left over from the Clone Wars. Two sith clones were there when Guy opened the door. There was Darth Vader and the Emporor. What if...Guy thought. Then he dismissed the idea of activating the Vader clone. ‘No way!’ Guy shook his head no as he activated the Emporor Clone. ‘Where am I?

‘ aske dht naked, wrinkled Emporor.

 

“You are with me, Guy Fieri, someone killed you before, so they chose me to activate your clone,” Guy lied as he held the Emporor’s evil neck in his hands.

 

“I’m...I’m a clone?” aske dht Emporor.

 

“Yes, but a very important one.” Guy helped the Emporor up.

 

“Who are you?” asked the Emporor.

 

“I’m the one man who can help you win,” said Guy Fieri as he put on his shades.

 

“Time to rule then. Leave me as I regain my memories!”

 

“But I thought that--”

 

“I am the Grea tEmporor Palpatine! You are not welcome!”

 

“Without me, you’d!”

 

“Without you I’d have still been dead. Do you think that I wanted to live forever?”

 

“I thought that….”

 

“There’s a pointe where we all must die. We have to become memories in order to become immortal. The one with the most memories in other’s people’s heads is the one with the greatest immortality. You are small. You are nothing.”

 

“Not true. I am Guy Fieri. I killed you once. And I’ll do it again! Oh yeah! I shot my burger cannon at you and killed oyu. Then I”M the one who brought you back to life. So thank me, Imperial scum.”

 

“Guards!” Emporor.

 

Guy Fieri wasn’t worried about some stupid guards. He loaded up his burger cannon and shot down 5 or 6 guards with it then he ran out of teh Death Star into his spaceship and flew away to teh Rebel Base that the Emporor didn’t know about.

 

Guy Fieri was welcomed and loved among the Rebels since he was able to create great food for them at low costs. He would also show them around the galaxy to the Calrissian all welcomed Guy when he flew into their secret base. The night was filled with drinks and food. Guy activated a bomb he had implanted in the Emporor before he activated him. The Deathstar v1.5 blew up. 

 

“When it rains, it pours,” said Luke after his third glass of blue milk and brandy and when the Deathstar blew up.

 

“We must never talk about this again,” Lando Calrissian said in his sexy voice.

 

“I won’t ever bring it up,” Fin said and BB8 agreed.

 

Guy looked into Rei’s eyes. “How long have you been without a father?” he asked her.

 

Rei started crying and ran off to her room. Guy chased after her. Rey Mysterio, WWE and Lucha Libre legend, ran after Guy. Guy turned round, “What the hell are you doing in spae, Rey? he asked.

 

“It’s because this is where I go when I’m not in WWE. What? You thought I defied gravity because of training? I’m an alien hombre! I am Rey Mysterio!” Rey flicked the corners of his mask.

 

“Can you help me calm Rei down?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” said Rey.

 

Guy and Rey ran into Rei’s room. Rey put his hand on Rei and spoke, “Ees okmija. Ees okay.’ Rei fell into Rey’s arms. Rey looked up at Guy, wondering what to do. Guy shed a single tear. “There there,” said Guy as he patted Rei’s back, “There there.” 

 

Rei looked up at Guy, “W-will you be my daddy tonight?” Guy’s cock sprang to life in the cold iced desert of Hoth.

 

“I’ll make sure you get enough in your mouth. Because, tonight, you will have two daddies.” said Guy with the devil’s smile. Rey noticed his cock had grown too, “Hey!” Guy and Rey exchanged winks.

 

Rei took off her cloth clothing. “I’ll have two daddies tonight.”

 

“Okay,” said Rey, “but I’m not going to buy you anything. No sugar from this daddy.”

 

Rey took off his wrestling tights and kept his mask on. Guy used The Force to remove and neatly fold his clothes. In an instant Rey and Guy’s cocks were nuzzled against each other in Rei’s pussy.

 

“Oh daddies!” Rei screamed. “Fuck me daddies! Fuck me Guy, fuck me Rey!”

 

“Oh delay!” yelled Rey Mysterio as he came all up inside Rei and all over Guy’s cock.

 

“Wha- wha what!?” yelled Guy as he felt Rey’s cock shooting off an immense load of hot geeze.Rey pulled himself out of Rei and fell to the floor. “Go to sleep, Rey!” yelled Guy.

 

“I want to enjoy this!” yelled Rei.

 

“The other Rey!” yelled Guy.

 

But it was too late, Rey had already fallen asleep.

 

Guy knew it was time to impress Rei. He flung himself across the room with The Force. He flung himself forward with The Force, right into the entrance to Rei’s pussy. Rei yelped, “Woah! Don’t stop!”

 

Guy continued ot fling himself back then forward into Rei; then Rei collapsed into a pile of her own juice. “Ungh!” was all she could say.

 

“What the hell do i do with this?” Guy yelled as he swatted his throbbing, pussy juice and geeze covered cock.

 

Just then Kylo Ren came about and had a tantrum with his lightsaber. Guy watched as Kylo Ren sliced into the wall. Kylo turned around and saw the state of Guy, “Woah! Looks like you need a trip to Jabb’as Palace!”

 

“I’m going to get blue balls and a buttache!” Guy cried.

 

“I know who can help you; but they’re not going to like it.”

 

“Guy cried, “I just want to get rid of this and go about my business!”

 

“Hello, Kylo Ren said into a communicator that Guy saw that looked like a triangle on a circle, “I need your help.”

 

New Guy vs Star Trek

 

After awhile the Enterprise was hovering over the atomsphere of the planet Hoth. Kylo Ren stared at Guy Fieri and smiled, “Hey, Guy, we’ll get rid of that boner you’ve got together.”

 

Guy grew a wild look in his eyes. “How about we get rid of it now!” Guy used The Force to fling Kylo Ren’s lightsaber away.

 

“NooooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOO!” screamed Kylo Ren as he cartwheeled out of the way of Guy’s pelvic thrust.

 

“Come here kid! I’m more Force sensitive then you! You can only run for so long!” 

 

Kylo Ren hid behind a bed. He hit the communications button and yelled, “Get him out of here, Captain! He’s crazy and Lust Lusted!”

 

Kylo looked down and shame came over him. His penis had grown while he was hiding because the site of Guy Fieri was too much to handle. “You...you can have me now, Guy.”

 

Guy used The Force to move the bed away from Kylo Ren. “You will stand up and Bend over.” Guy waved his hand in fron of Kylo Ren’s face.

 

“I want to stand up and bend over,” Kylo Ren stood up and bent over; his cock throbbing, inches away from shooting.

 

Guy got on to his knees and started licking Kylo Ren’s tight little asshole. “What? No!” Guy was startled and almost gagging.

 

“Ha ha!” Kylo Ren rubbed his tender asshole across Guy Fieri’s tongue, “you thought I was mind-tricked; but it was ME who mind tricked YOU! Welcome to flavor town, bitch! I hope you like corn!”

 

Guy’s eyes went wild with excitement; he couldn’t stop licking Kylo Ren’s asshole, no matter how hard he tried. “And you thought I was an inmpotent Jedi! I am more than that! I am a Sith Lord, motherfucker! I am the Shaft of Space! And you, Guy Fieri, will be the one who is a part of my ultimate plan!” Kylo turned around so Guy was licking his dick now, Kylo used The Force to open Guy’s mouth in to an O shape and he put his cock in and out “My plan is to rid the world of Starfleet one vessel at a time. Why? Because if I didn’t then those people in charge at Starfleet would get an idea that I had something planned and then where would I be? No no no; my plan is good. First I’ll take out the galaxy class ships, then the smaller ones, and finally the space stations, like Deep Space Nine and such. And you will be my weapon Guy Fieri. You will be know known as Darth Insipid! You will be my puppet, and I will be your master! Snoke no longer exists, so I have taken the role of supreme leader! And you will be my number one. Speaking of which; The Enterprise, a rebuilt version of NCC-1701-D, will be here any minute.”

 

Kylo Ren used The Force to shoot a load into Guy’s mouth. Kylo called his lightsaber over to him and exteneded the unstable blade. He touched the shoulders of Guy, who wore a sad look in his eyes and geeze dripping out the sides of his mouth. “I now pronounce you my royal knight; my number one; my Sith Lord. Stand, Darth Insipid. And do you master’s bidding.”

 

Guy stood up and shouted “What is thigh bidding my master?”

 

Kylo turned off his lightsaber, “You will destroy The Enterprise and leave no one behind.”

 

“Yes, my master.”

 

“Enterprise to Ren.” called Chief o’Brian.

 

“Ren hear,” Kylo Ren said to his communicator. “One to beam up.”

 

Guy stared at Kylo Ren in a hypnotized state. Darth Insipid was beamed up.


End file.
